Homeless.

About a month ago on my way to upper room I parked the car and started walking towards the church. Then I saw her, out of the corner of my eye sitting on the sidewalk holding a cardboard sign "Anything helps." Most of us scurry by as the Pharisees did in the Good Samaritan story. And I write with deep hurt in my heart as I shamefully admit to doing the same. I lifted my gaze from its fixed position on the sidewalk. Many of us don't even acknowledge their presence, as if that unique, beautiful, but broken image of God breathed life wasn't right before our eyes. We nervously, shamefully, awkwardly walk by them daily - as if they don't exist. Better to ignore them
I raised my eyes to meet hers, rose my hands and shrugged.

"I don't have cash."

She looked at me, a bit surprised, and said:
"Thats ok."

Oh, Rachel - she doesn't need your money! I had something much great to give her. Something money cannot buy - Jesus.
I continued sheepishly on my way to church - a heated building with refreshments. (James 2)

Oh, Lord, I am a sad representation of your son! Where is Jesus in me? Many of us look at such as these, the outcast and poorest of our society and say its their own fault - which that may be true. Some are addicts, some are mentally ill (or spiritually oppressed?) but we have the cure! And its that cure that rescued us, reached out and SAVED us from our own self inflicted addictions and faults. Do we see Jesus coming to the prostitute in condemnation? Accusing her of her sin and that is al falls on her own shoulders? To pull herself up by the boot-straps an stop sinning?

Oh my beautiful Jesus - full of compassion.
He was sitting next to this woman. The urge I felt to speak to her was overcome by my human rationalization of why I shouldn't.

"I don't have cash."

The dollar. The universal band-aid. It may only temporarily appease a need. We ask for water and He gives us everlasting water. Jesus is our well of life - and WE have everlasting water. I have everlasting water. Enough to quench the thirst of the whole world.
I am so glad my Jesus doesn't leave me in my sin - or give up on me. That He doesn't disregard me and never try to help because of my addictions, sin, and because "all are they same and relapse" mentality.

No, my Jesus doesn't do that.

He is in every slum, every disease ridden person, every child dying of HIV. Can you hear Him crying out? Asking for someone to tend His sheep? To feed them, clothe them, bind their wounds, and love them?

Are we filled with our Savior's compassion as we daily pass by those in need? Do we quench the Holy Spirit and let our fast-paced, time-is-money, lap of luxury life numb us to the pain so prevalent in our world - on our sidewalk? By our very actions we speak clearly that they don't matter - that we are o˚ and we have enough trivial problems to deal with. I weep at my own selfishness. I am no Christian, no mini Christ - I look nothing like Him.

He touched lepers. No excuses. I must touch them too - even if it is literal. What if I get infected and die? Friends, if my death results in one soul coming to know the love and hope of Jesus - it would be worth every agonizing moment. Isn't that what He has done for us?

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot, martyr.

HE KNOWS

"For I Know the plans I have for you" 

I have always loved that verse. Possibly because before I thought that verse entitled me to safety or happiness. I realize that it doesn't now. But today, it has a new meaning. One I already new but didn't see in this verse. HE KNOWS - not me. HE. GOD. My Lord. My Jesus. My Savior. HE KNOWS. I may not, I do not. I do not understand His ways. Many times I don't understand His plans, but I submit myself to them. And those plans aren't to harm me, although at times they may be painful - they are to prosper - succeed, advance, progress, thrive, make it, flower, get on, do well, flourish, bloom, make good. 

So even though I don't understand. HE KNOWS. I don't - but HE does. My heart aches to return to Chile - but its not time yet. His plans are to make me flourish, to bloom, to THRIVE. He loves me. Oh, that I might learn to love Him and trust Him. I am so glad that HE KNOWS.. May that be enough for me.

Interview.

This is a written interview I did a few months back. I just read it again today, and decided to share it.

 Here are the questions:


 Briefly describe your missions experience (inside or outside of IAM, where, when, how long, including long-term and short term stays).
> Short term missions trip to Chile with Independent Bible Church of Port Angeles, WA for 2 weeks
> 1 year as an intern from summer of 2007- summer 2008 in Santiago, Chile through IberoAmerican Ministries

> 2 year commitment as an IberoAmerican Missionary to Santiago, Chile June 2009 - July 2010

> What are some general reflections on your time(s) as a missionary? (i.e. did you enjoy it, what were some of the highlights, general comments about your time)

> Life as a missionary is the same as the life of any other follower of Jesus. Its full of struggles, dissapointments, and trials - along with victories,joys, and peace. The bride of Christ is the same - loved by Christ but stained by our own sinful nature and humanity. Its not a utopia and its certainly not hell. It is life. It is a journey; a fight alongside our Savior. Its marked by amazing people that God brings along the way to lift us and be His hands and warm embrace. My own life experience and journey that has taken place outside my usual physical context these last three or so years has been amazing. It has been fullfilling. There have been dark days and heartache but those memories pale in comparison of the joys that I experienced in learning more about Jesus and being able to experience the amazing blessings He had in store for me. It wasn't anything I imagined - it was more.

>  How did you prepare yourself for each time you entered the missions field?

> Honestly, with prayer. I did other preparations too - the usual of fundraising and state-side duties. I prayed with people and spent a lot of time getting on my knees. 

> What were some of the greatest challenges you faced?

> The greatest challenge I faced and still face today is myself. Its putting myself back on the altar and sacrificing all to live daily for Christ. I can think of specific things that stand out to me as being hard (i.e. language learning) but really the difficulty of language learning was not being able to express myself or feelings of frustration or inadequacy - which is an internal character problem as I have come to see it now. 

> How did you overcome them, or are they still being worked through?

> I overcame them at the time slowly. They weren't that big of a deal when I put them before Jesus' feet. I am still working through them - because I am continually at battle with my old self. 

>  What were/are some of the highlights or greatest rewards?
> The highlights have been the intimate moments I have experienced with Christ when I have been stripped of all "I" can do and I am in totally naked and utterly dependent on Christ. His love and compassion sweeps me right up - definitely the best reward ever, period. Highlights are praying and sharing with my Chilean brothers and sisters. And getting hugs and seeing smiles from the children I have come to love and serve in Chile. I could write paragraph after paragraph of highlights!

> Have you worked in a secular setting before?
> Yes, I have. I worked three years at a Coffee shop in Port Angeles, and almost a year at a Bistro in a community college. I am now working in a secular setting (*yet another coffee shop!)

>  If yes, how would you compared your time in the secular workplace to your time as a missionary? General differences, things you lost, things you gained, etc...

> I love the feeling of getting specific things accomplished. My personality and cultural background makes life as a missionary hard - because most things do not have an immediate result. I have lost the time I get to invest in deepening relationships - but "gained" a sense of accomplishing something (which may not be good?) I also have contact with a lot of people that are not Christians and am able to start up conversations and relationships with them and share a bit of God's love - more (in terms of numbers of people daily) than when I was in Chile. 

> As of now, how do you missions fitting into your future? What are some (or what would be some) of your concerns for working in missions in the future?

> I see missions in my future - my whole life. Wherever God leads. Whether that be in the United States, Chile, or any where else the Lord may lead. I have desire to return to Chile and plans to do so late this year, Lord willing. My concerns would only be myself -because it is self that is the only real obstacle between me and my obedience to God. 

>What would be some advice you would give to someone who is considering missions work (either in or outside IAM) in the future? Mistakes to avoid? Ways to prepare? Challenges to expect?

> Advice I would give to someone going into missions would be to dig deep. I have found in personal experience that the deepest struggles have root in ourselves. I would tell them to not give up hope and to take time to process situations before the Lord. A mistake to avoid would be griping and complaining - or self pity - I have been there and it only makes things worse. Avoid serving yourself - Jesus, others, and finally you. I would say that the challenges do lie a lot in living in another culture; there are so many things that we don't even realize that are so innate and part of us that become a cultural obstacle. Humility is key. There is a saying in that two IAM leaders always repeat: "Its not better; its not worse; its just different." Its very challenging coming to a place where you are stripped of your comfort zone (family, culture, language, comodities) at first it is generally exciting, but once the novelty wears off self raises its gnarly head. We must confront it and let God take care off all our defects only accentuated by the fires of challenge.